LONELY HOURS.

What is the worst thing about being lonely?

Loneliness is not a constant pain.

Most lonely people don’t spend their every waking second in agonizing misery. Most lonely people have regular days, regular lives, same as everyone else.

They listen to their music on the way to work. They might crack jokes with their coworkers. They watch their favourite TV show or play their favourite video game in their free time. They might even have a group of people that they hang out with on a regular basis. They might be really social in the online world. Most of the time, they’re probably enjoying themselves, and enjoying life.

But suddenly, when they’re sitting alone in a room, and they need someone, there’s nobody to be found. That’s when it crosses from ‘alone’ to ‘lonely’. That’s when it hits them.

Most people really value their alone time, especially in recent years. Most of the time, lonely people don’t see being ‘alone’ as a bad thing.

I moved to the other side of the world recently, and kinda left everything behind. I can count on one hand the friends I still have back home. I miss my family, but I’ve lived in my own place for three years now. Being 5000 miles away from them isn’t that different from being 200 away.

I’m in a country where I don’t speak the native language, working a remote job. I have one social outing a week, maybe two if they invite me to something at the first one. People tend to come and go a lot in the expat community. When I make friends, they go to other countries, or go back home because their gap year finished.

Most of the time, I don’t mind, but I don’t really have people in my life.

You bet I feel lonely sometimes.

I don’t feel lonely when I’m at the gym, keeping to myself. I’ve always worked out alone.

I don’t feel lonely when I’m on my couch, watching movies or video essays.

I don’t feel lonely when I’m lying in bed, scrolling aimlessly or writing on Quora.

But sometimes it just hits you, out of nowhere. That absence in your life. Like a hole that needs to be filled. It comes and goes, so randomly, so infrequently, and that’s what makes it hurtful.